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photo: iStock

I know. It probably seems weird that I was interested in getting my very first Brazilian wax in the fall. But when I’m fixated on something, I just have to do it. No, I wasn’t going on vacation to rock a bikini. And I definitely wasn’t going on some super hot date. A couple of my friends have had it done and swear by it — and their encouraging words kept playing over and over in my head. “I was just so tired of shaving and how fast it grew back and it’s so itchy,” one of my friends said to our group. Yes, wine was definitely involved, but hey — we were all relating. As I nodded my head in agreement, I decided to go hunting for a great waxer in Chicago.

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After a quick search on the Internet, I decided to go with someone my brow waxer recommended. I went to an aesthetician who owned her own business, Yufei Skincare, and prepared for the worst. I was terrified, but she calmed me down when she said, “I’m the best Brazilian waxer in Chicago, don’t worry.” A couple of heavy breathing sessions later, I laid down on the spa bed, unprepared for what was about to happen. Here are the 15 thoughts that went through my head.

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1

Why am I doing this?

As she put wax on me I seriously contemplated telling her to stop. I was way too anxious and realized the razor wasn’t so bad after all.

2

OH MY GOD

The first pull — there’s nothing to describe it. Like, at all. She talked me through it, but I ignored every word as I felt my soul get ripped out of me.

3

I should have been put under

I was subjecting myself to torture. If they can put you under to get your wisdom teeth taken out, they can do it for this — they NEED to do it for this.

4

Does she think I’m a wimp?

She looked at me, smiled in that “poor baby, this is going to suck for you” kind of way, and the minuscule ounce of confidence I had flew out the door.

5

There’s an even more sensitive section?

She told me to breathe for this one, and I just knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.

6

Well, this is awkward

Now I have to slightly bend my leg to help her get all up in there.

7

Okay, the pain from the first strip is finally going away

Maybe I just had to wait a bit? My skin hates me though.

8

Wait, no, why are you going back to the first section — AH!

When she told me she was just letting it relax before she took the rest of the hair off, I actually cried. A legit teardrop fell out of my eyeball. The left one, to be exact.

9

She’s giving me a minute to breathe, she pities me

She just knew.

10

Time to go through this all over again on the other side

This is where I thought it might be less painful because now I know.  

11

Thinking 1–9 all over again

Hell-to-the-no, it’s just as bad.

12

Well, this is even MORE awkward

When she told me to turn around and lay on my stomach, I completely forgot that a Brazilian meant getting everything waxed.

13

Do I say thank you? Do I give her a hug?

Before I knew it, she told me we were good to go. Mind you, I was half naked.

14

FINALLY

It felt like the longest 35 minutes of my life.

15

Would I do it again?

As I walked back home, I felt like I was keeping a secret. Would I go back in a month like she had suggested? Nope, I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for it. I loved the results, but I think I need awhile before I can go through that again.