There you are, rolling around in between the sheets with your boo when suddenly, OH! It’s happening . . . OMG, you’re about to . . . Just move a little to the . . . Wait . . . Forget it, it’s over.
If you’ve ever had trouble climaxing during sex, don’t fret, because you are not alone. The unfortunate truth is that we are in the midst of an orgasm gap, with women having just one orgasm for every three a man enjoys. In fact, only 10 percent of women have little to no trouble when it comes to reaching the Big O, according to Cleveland Clinic.
As for the other 90 percent, there are a variety of factors that may be hindering your body’s ability to reach sexual climax. Here are five reasons why you might not be getting off as often as you’d like.
1. Mood. Great sex relies as much on what's happening in your head as what’s going on below the waist. If you’re not completely letting go and immersing yourself in the experience, it’s going to be way more difficult to reach your sexual peak. So if you’re having funky thoughts — like feeling bad about your body or being mad at your S.O. — try to sort them out before you go at it. “Our thoughts and emotions are central to a woman's sexuality,” says Prudence Hall, M.D., medical director at the Hall Center in Santa Monica, California. “If the relationship is failing or has angry tension, this can influence a woman's libido and orgasmic response."
2. You're skipping out of the gym. Okay, so you don’t have to become a Crossfit queen to start experiencing better and more frequent orgasms, but a little exercise on the regular wouldn’t hurt. “Our pelvic floor muscles become weak if we don't keep up our exercise," Hall says. This can cause orgasm to happen less frequently or not at all. Yikes!
3. Your genes. Just like snowflakes, every woman and her vagina are unique. However, sexual psychophysiologist Nicole Prause, Ph.D., explains that women whose clitoral bulb is closer to the vaginal opening are more likely to have orgasms from intercourse alone, most likely because intercourse stimulates the clitoris more in those women.
Prause also says that orgasms are heritable, meaning that there is a genetic component to them. “If your mom had orgasms consistently, you are more likely to,” she says. On the other hand, if your mom also has or had trouble reaching sexual climax, it could be a sign of a genetic sexual dysfunction or other hormonal imbalance. Hmm, maybe it’s time for you and Mami to have an awkward conversation about sex.
4. You don’t pee before sex. If you habitually hold it in, you could be sabotaging your sex life. “Some women get into sex and don’t realize that they didn’t empty their bladders prior,” Samuel Van Kirk, a board certified general OB/GYN, tells Woman’s Day. “The stimulation of sex plus the urge to go to the bathroom is not a good mix.” Seriously, who can think about relaxing into an orgasm when you’re trying not to pee yourself during the act?
5. It’s happening too fast. Men and women orgasm differently, reports EverydayHealth.com. A lot of times, a woman can’t climax because her partners move way too fast. Don’t be afraid to tell your boo to slow down, or if something isn’t working for you.
“If we keep the conversation simple without drama or blame, it can ignite our partner's desire to help us resolve the problem,” says Hall. The bottom line: Be open and honest with your partner. Working together to explore new sexual techniques and positions will be fun and rewarding for the both of you.