girl sitting by wine and cell phone
photo: iStock
I used to be the girl who swore that online dating was no bueno — that I needed a Hollywood encounter where a guy in a café spots me over his dry cappuccino. Maybe he would spill a little on himself from the shock of my electric beauty and then make his way over to my table to get my number. I would insist that these elaborate, movie-like fantasies were the only way to find true love. And that online dating — well, that was the fastest way to just get harassed and stalked by every sketchy man on the planet.

Total BS. The truth about our reasons for not getting digital with our dating is that we’re usually just scared we won’t find true love. That we’ll just be judged and rejected on a massive scale, and that’s more than we can possibly handle. Again, more BS. So give up the myth like I did. Online dating is a great way to increase the pool of men who are dying to meet and love you. Below, 10 excuses you might be telling yourself and how to get over them.

Related From Vivala: Keep It Hot, Real, and Smart on Text

1. Forget finding him in Barnes & Nobles or somewhere traditional. 
You know that boy you want to find holding a Jonathan Franzen novel in the fiction aisle? I think he probably already owns it on Kindle Paperwhite. But if you share your book loving ways on your online profile, you’ll probably connect with him AND a dozen other guys who love the same exact things that you do. This is where online dating reigns supreme. Use it to connect to people just like you.

2. No one cares if they see you on it.
So let’s illustrate this. You are willing to significantly reduce your dating pool and let cobwebs settle over your vajay all because someone you already know might see you and might say something like, “Oh, she’s still single?” Look — don’t assume that people will  automatically think the worst of you just because you are online dating. Have more faith in yourself than that. And if someone does judge you — it’s their problem. Not yours. You’re allowed to find love like anybody else! Seriously, cross this reason out. 

3. I’m traditional.
Oh no way! That’s cool. So you’re reading this article in print, right? And you’ve got a flip phone, or better yet, a quill pen to write texts because you’re old school, right? Come on. Whose traditions are you holding up, ladybug? The convenient ones that let you hide from being vulnerable? Let’s get real. You’re just scared and that’s okay. Turn your fear into fuel and start swiping.

4. It’s not romantic.
Because that’s what every moment with your man should be? Even after two years of living together and you have a rough go with Chipotle one night? Come on. Don’t miss out on life just because you are holding out for one single experience. Dates can be funny, awkward, terrible, so-so, or fantastic and they are ALL great learning experiences. Don't get stuck waiting for perfect. Get in the game and have fun right now. 

5. There is no one cute online.
Eye. Roll. Not buying it. You need to keep swiping. And since when did drop-dead gorgeous become the only criteria for finding a good man? There are plenty of great, attractive men out there. Scroll with your heart open to the opportunity to find true love. Not with a judgmental and fearful perception that thinks you’ll never find it.

6. The dudes online are not looking for anything serious.
The dudes are not looking for anything serious in real life either! I mean, how many pub crawl romances ended with him sitting across the table from your mom at Thanksgiving dinner? Didn’t think so. Dating is all about being nimble and having your eyes peeled for the right kind of guy. Just start practicing the word no and finding a way to communicate clearly what you are looking for AND what you’re not. 

7. If I see my ex on there, I'll die! Not unless you run into traffic afterwards. Trust me, you’ll be fine. Don’t overthink this. A raggedy old peen should never be a reason NOT to chase after new and improved one that will love you and treat you like a goddess. And if your ex texts you about seeing your profile, just remember there’s a block feature on your phone for a reason. Use it.

8. I'm too overweight. Nope. Not at all. There are plenty of fans of a woman with some peanut butter on her bones, and they are waiting to scoop up every drop of you. So post the full body pics with confidence. In your profile, be very clear: “If you’re scared of a little body in your mouth, this one is not for you.” And ignore any troll that wants to throw you off your game. There is a man out there, just waiting for you to believe his unwavering love exists for you. Go find him! 

9. It’s so superficial. People are just judging you. Trust me, men are not sitting in a room, with a bowl of popcorn and an app on Chromecast, having a 20-minute conversation about how weird you look. When he swipes left, I swear, you will not feel it. One hundred dudes will pass on your ass, and I promise no part of your day, your self-worth, or your potential to find true love will ever change. You’re giving way too much credit to the impact of being judged.

10. I don’t think it’s safe. Real talk. This is a legitimate concern when it comes to online dating. All jokes aside, sometimes there are shady characters on these sites. To push the odds in your favor, try using apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, which links to your Facebook profile, or Lasting Connections, which does background checks beforehand.

You can also make sure that your first date is in a very public place. Have zero drinks and put your phone on tracking mode for your bestie to follow you if you want. But you can definitely do this cautiously. Millions do it every day (including senior citizens). Just do your research, trust your gut, and have a great time.    

Breonna Rodriguez is a Founding Creator and love and relationships blogger. When she's not writing for Vivala.com, you can find her at zenfulie.com.