I got dumped. My boyfriend of eight months told me he couldn’t do this anymore. Say what? I was in the process of moving in. We were getting married and having three kids. We had already named them. Everything was perfect. We bounced off each other creatively, inspired one another, laughed, shared [everything], and were in love, ( I still am) and then I messed up.
I lost my temper one day when I was sick with a fever and far away from home. I was mean and in diva mode, and I hurt him. But, we fixed things the following day, or so I thought. That was 38 days ago. He asked me for time and space and I thought that meant a cooling off period to work things out, after all love conquers all. But, no I got booted smack in the middle of the holidays.
Seriously? No mercy. It’s the most painful time to go through a breakup, and I am doing it. I hear Christmas music, and I’m like waterworks. I see cute couples shopping together and “I’m like, 'Please kill me now.'” I think of New Year’s Eve and starting 2016 again single, and I’m like, 'Why God? Why? It’s not fair. I deserve a second chance. Doesn’t everyone?'" And maybe I’ll get one.
I haven’t lost all hope, but in the meantime I’m going to have to survive this holiday season single again. I’ve been going through the motions, and here I'm sharing nine ways I'm coping, in case you are going through the same.
Dress Up and Pretend
Get up and look your best, even though you're falling apart. You have to keep moving forward. I did a shoot and then drove off and exploded into tears. I know it’s hard. I want to stay in bed most of the time, but it will get better.
Buy yourself nice things. I hardly feel like shopping for myself, but then I went to Sawgrass Mills the other day, and I changed my mine. I ended up scoring my first pair of Céline shoes at Saks Off Fifth and a soft brown leather jacket from All Saints for $200. I’m wearing them as I write this post, actually.
They also just opened up some new outlets like CH Carolina Herrera and Rag & Bone, which are amazing. I literally found a $300 gown at Carolina Herrera which is unheard of. I’m going back for more.
I’ve been slacking, I admit. Who really has the energy or wants to work out when they feel bad? But, yesterday I made myself join Green Monkey yoga and it was a game-changer. So try something therapeutic like yoga.
If you’re going through a breakup, chances are, like me, you’re not sleeping; you feel anxious 24-7, and you’re losing focus. Mediation helps. Just sit down. Close your eyes and take deep breaths and exhale. You’ll start to feel better in a matter of seconds.
Spend Time With Family and Friends
Spend time with people who care about you, and you'll feel safe with them. You don’t have to tell everyone. It’s a delicate time. I decided to write this post because I know there are a lot of people who need this right now.
Keep a Journal
Write down your thoughts and reflect. You’ll start to see what went wrong. I’m learning a lot about myself and what I need to change.
Go on a Vacation
Getting out of your environment helps to clear your head. Book a trip with friends or maybe a solo one. There are plenty of companies that plan solo vacations. I’m looking at yoga retreat one, I may do.
Seek Professional Help
Maybe your situation is really difficult. Maybe you need to talk to a professional. Perhaps there is a pattern in your relationships you need to be aware of that you didn’t see before. They say things repeat over and over till you learn your lesson, so maybe there's something you can learn? Plus, there’s nothing wrong with making an appointment to see a therapist. Talking with one will actually help you a lot.
The hardest times are right when you wake up and go to sleep and well, in between, too if you aren’t keeping busy positively. Take on a new hobby. Try something new. Enroll in a class. Maybe buy one of those adult therapy coloring books.
Embrace the Process
Break ups hurt. Sometimes, there is no turning back and other times they let us heal and get stronger to go back to the person we love, new and improved. The universe has a reason for everything. Just be aware that they’ll be good days and bad days. Know what helps and doesn’t. Like I have to avoid caffeine because it makes me more anxious, as well as alcohol. Just give it time and you’ll be better sooner than you think.
Annie Vazquez is a Founding Creator and fashion blogger. When she's not writing for Vivala.com, you can find her at thefashionpoet.com.