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If you think all men are “jerks” and are “all the same,” then it’s time to take a step back and do such some self-reflection on why relationships have gone south. Have you ever thought it might be you and not him?

I know this might be a bit shocking, but the past three months I have been doing my research, taking notes, experimenting, and I have come to a pretty strong conclusion as to why it might be them and not us. To start, there’s three main points. 

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A. We might not be reading men correctly. We could be envisioning them to be better than they actually are. 

B. We might be going for the wrong guy and then hoping for the best. It’s like going to a grocery store and buying cheap Kraft cheese and hoping it’s gonna taste as good as that pricey gourmet Gouda.

C. Maybe we're not really sure yet what we want in a man?

After my last breakup in December, I needed to do something I’ve never done before — put all my past relationships with men under a microscope to see why they never worked out. Clearly, there had to be a reason.

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I asked myself a series of questions such as, what did these men have in common? What was the real reason of the breakup? Why did I like these men? At what point in the relationship did things go bad? As I connected the dots, I found the evidence to be startling. Here’s what I discovered about myself, which I’m still in shock about.

I knew all of these relationships would eventually end. I went for guys who I just wanted to have fun and hang out with me. I plucked men who were unable to cage me. Deep down I realized I didn’t want a serious relationship, because I was afraid of being tied down. I just wanted my freedom.

I didn’t want to stay put in one place with someone and have a family and all that, at least not yet. All this time I thought I was ready for a serious relationship.

This was my pattern. Relationship after relationship. I am totally enlightened now and enjoying being single. While I’m constantly meeting new men, I’m very upfront about where I stand with myself and them. Ladies, you need to do the same. You’re gonna be in for an amazing self-discovery that will set you free and help you truly find what you’re looking for.

Annie Vazquez is a Founding Creator and fashion blogger. When she's not writing for Vivala.com, you can find her at thefashionpoet.com.