Netflix and Chill
photo: iStock

I had enough of letting the frogs come to me and decided to flip the script by giving OkCupid a try. This was of course right after I had just gotten the wind knocked out of me, figuratively speaking, by another shit guy only looking for an ego boost. I had gotten over the whole "old school" mentality of meeting a guy organically. My friends' success stories helped me let go of the online dating stigma. It was time to swallow my Leo pride and take control of my love life.

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I set up a profile and within minutes I started getting messages. Unfortunately, no one was catching my eye. The few that did either had a terrible username or red flags in their profile like foot fetishes — not that there's anything wrong with that
I had gotten to the point where I was just checking in to see what messages I would be ignoring that day. That was until this fine piece of chocolate blessed my inbox one fateful day.

He had an inviting smile and his outfit just screamed 'Hey, I'm adventurous!' (he was in skiing gear). A look at his profile was even more encouraging: He was a lawyer (a substantial upgrade from my previous conquests) with the same taste in Hip-hop and TV dramas. On the surface, we both were speaking the same language. So after a reverse Google image search failed to turn up any dupes (Catfish taught me well) and a few messages later, we agreed to meet for dinner at one of my favorite local Thai spots.

The first date was wonderful. We had dinner, went for a walk, had a drink, and had one of those goodbyes whose awkwardness could only be explained by this guy liking me . . . a lot. A few days later, for our second date, we found each other in the back of a bar for a standup comedy show in Manhattan. After it was over, he drove to the train station that would get me home the fastest. 

We were ready to go our separate ways, but not before we cut the tension between us with our first kiss. Let me tell you something, telenovela actors had nothing on us that night. We kissed long enough for him to have driven me all the way home — but that’s neither here nor there.

Our third date was when things started to take a turn. Our confirmed plans got swapped at the last minute in favor of a Groupon he wanted to use before it expired that night. Being the go with the flow person that I am, I didn’t let the feeling of being short changed bother me at the time, but it would come back to haunt me.

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On our fourth date is when our “Netflix and Chill” began. I went over to his place and little did I know that within a year’s time we would only go on only one more date  — under the threat to cut him off — three months later. No matter how each visit began, we would always get to the same question: "What do you want to watch?" We would put on a random movie on Netflix or get fancy with Game of Thrones on HBO Go to only get barely past the credits. 

And, while I enjoyed the time we spent together, I didn't like that it was only happening once a month. You would think that we were in a long distance relationship! I knew I deserved more and the feelings slowly started to eat away at me until I blew up one day and said that this “relationship” was not working for me. 

When pressed about where he saw things going, he responded by saying that he didn't know what he wanted. And with that information I disappeared from his life. But that didn’t stop him from continuing to text me as if nothing happened. He wore me down and we ended up “Netflix and Chilling” again. I would rationalize letting him back in again because as a smart professional woman, I didn’t need a relationship for validation, right? I should be fine with something casual. 

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Things came to a head after one exhausting “chill” session. He left the bedroom and started tinkering in the kitchen. A while later, he returned with a cup of yogurt, which he followed with a bowl of soup (side note: what kind of combo is that?! gross!). He just sat on the corner of the bed eating it and didn't even offer me as little as a sip of water. This move sealed our fates forever. 

We didn't have a quick and dirty breakup. I eventually met another guy who gave me just what I was looking for and that is when I called things off with Netflix and Chill for good.

My only regret about my year-long fling was that I let it go on for so long. The moment that I wanted more and he didn’t, I should have cut him off — permanently. There’s nothing wrong with a little Netflix and Chill as long as you don’t let it go beyond its expiration date. 

According to clinical psychologist and dating coach Dr. Samantha Rodman there are benefits to casual relationships like exploring different sides of themselves with different partners. 

"If you’re in a casual relationship, that’s predominantly based on sex you can explore your sexuality in a different way than you would with your fiancé,” Dr. Rodman added.  

But if you end up developing feelings for your partner and they don’t feel the same way, Dr. Rodman recommends that you take their lack of interest at face value and cut them off completely. 

Even if you stick around and end up in a serious relationship, there will always be that little voice in the back of your head to remind you of the time when that wasn’t a possibility. I couldn't agree more. It’s the best way to keep your ego and self-worth intact.