The older I get, the more I realize that the art of keeping a man’s attention is a very fickle thing. One minute he can be blowing up your phone with cute selfies and emoji kisses, and then for the next five days you’re getting one word replies every six hours. It’s a total crapshoot. Even when a girl is sure she played it right, sometimes there’s just no way to really tell what a man is thinking.
Or is there?
The fun thing about polling men for Vivala is that they really love to give dating advice. The longer I write this column, the more convinced I am that men really do want us to know what they’re thinking. Or rather what makes them run away from a girl when everything seems to be going just perfect. The unanimous advice is yours for the taking below.
Being Too Clingy
When we give a man too much attention too soon, he hates it, especially if he’s unsure about what he wants. Being too available is a big no-no. Don’t change what you say or be manipulative — but see if you can say an 18-word text in six words or less. If you’re getting your nails done when he calls, finish and call back when your done. Make him earn that level of fluid communication and support from you.
Too Much Makeup
This one is kind of a no-brainer, but pretty funny to hear men talk about. While men generally enjoy a woman who likes to step out of the house looking her best, he still wants her to look, well, like her. Too much makeup translates into a lack of confidence. However, a delicate hand with your Urban Decay Naked palette, and a subtle lip says, “She’s beautiful, and damn, she knows it.” Less really is more.
Dating Ultimatums on Your Profile
Ultimatums in a profile are a huge turnoff for men. Again it signals a very clear message about getting serious very fast, and quite frankly, most men need to date you for a while before they can tell if they’re that into you. And part of that does include just making out with you. Instead, try burying your need to skew trolls with a little bit of humor. Instead of saying “No hookups. Serious guys only,” try something that gives guys something to talk about like: Interested in finding the Pippen to my Jordan, and not so much the crazy Tyson to my Holyfield (what can I say, I like my ears). Even if you’re not into the sports references, pick something that’s you and doesn’t put pressure on his dating process. You could be cutting out too many potential eggs that way.
Hold the Criticism
So you met a guy with a hurtin’ wardrobe, some dusty ass sneakers, and a wonderful personality. Maybe he also chews with his mouth open and has bad taste in music but the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen. You might feel the natural urge to fix, but choose your words carefully! Criticism feels good to nobody, and the role of the nagging wife who changes her man is so 1963. Too early on, criticism just makes a guy feel like you think he’s not good enough, and who wants to stay on for that?
It’s weird how this happens: Women who are on top of the world suddenly become unwound and unsure of themselves in the presence of a man they like. Which, in turn, turns that man off. I don’t always get this right. In my last serious relationship, I seriously struggled to find a balance between how much I liked my BF while confidently holding him accountable for meeting my needs.
Almost every example listed above makes the same general point: Be confident and love yourself. Hold men to a standard and don’t accept anything that you do not deserve. Men really like that. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who inspires the world to love her for all she’s worth. You be that woman and sure enough, any man that’s worth his salt won't be able to resist you.
Breonna Rodriguez is a Founding Creator and love and relationships blogger. When she's not writing for Vivala.com, you can find her at Zenfulie.com.