photo: Giphy

When I tell people I live in Miami, I almost always get hit back with the exact same follow-up question: “Oh, so you live on the beach?”

Sigh. Here’s how the rest of the conversation usually goes.

Me: “Actually, no. I live about 40 minutes from the Miami Beach — if the traffic isn’t terrible, because otherwise it could take over an hour.”

Miami newbie: “Oh . . . well surely you still have an amazing view of the water.”

Me: “Eh, not really. I actually don’t remember when the last time I saw the ocean was. Maybe a couple of months.”

Miami newbie: “Oh . . .”

It never fails. The Miami newbie always looks disappointed, and I’m left feeling like I just committed some grand sin. Was I inadvertently wasting my life away by not living in closer proximity to the water? Sure my rent would become too much to handle, but sheesh, at least I’d have a better Miami story to tell.

Ocean views are just one of the many Miami myths, as things like Scarface, MTV Spring Break, and the occasional Pitbull music video paint a very different picture of what life in the Magic City is really like.

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So as a native of the 305, I’m making it my personal responsibility to set the record straight once and for all. Here are eight things about Miami to stop believing stat.


Everyone spends endless time at the beach

photo: Giphy

I actually can't remember the last time I spent a day at the beach. Maybe some time last year, perhaps. It's sad but true. 


There's always a party going on

photo: Giphy

Don't get me wrong, you can find a party pretty quickly on South Beach, it just wouldn't be one where too many locals are at. If you want to hang with the natives, you're better off heading to Wynwood, Brickell, or Coral Gables on the weekend. Just don't plan on getting too wild before 10 p.m., nothing in Miami starts that early. 


The weather is always perfect

photo: Giphy

Spend enough time in Miami, and you'll quickly learn that the weather can go from perfect beach day to tropical storm–status at the blink of an eye. No, you aren't crazy. Mother Nature just has a strange way of functioning down here. 


Everyone has a boat

photo: Giphy

If you think most of us locals are re-creating J. Lo music videos out on the water all day, you'll be happy to know that you aren't missing out on much because, well, it's a myth.


Everyone speaks Spanish

photo: Giphy

Yes, you'll find plenty of people in Miami who speak Spanish, but you'll also hear other languages like Portuguese and Creole. 


It's super dangerous

photo: Giphy

Miami has come a long way since the drug wars that inspired the infamous film Scarface. While you still probably want to avoid walking around a desolate part of town at night with a wad of cash in your hand, the 305 is no more dangerous than any other big city. 


Everyone is a model

photo: Giphy

Nope. Plenty of regular people here, too. (Raises hand). 


You don't need a car

photo: Giphy

Theoretically, you can get by living in Miami without a car. However, if you're used to cities with reliable public transportation, you're going to be highly disappointed here.