photo: Giphy

My colleagues and I recently had a conversation where we all talked about what happens once we start getting comfortable in relationships: you know, you stop shaving your legs, you start talking about your period. The convo resulted in a funny and totally spot-on post, but one aspect of our conversation stood out to me because I just could not relate. Many of the girls agreed that once they get super chill in their relationship, they stop wearing lingerie and will just sleep in an oversized tee or sweats. I bashfully had to admit that has been my go-to sleepwear basically since day one with my man.

I’ve never seen what the big deal is with lingerie. I know it’s supposed to up the sexy factor in the bedroom, but the cost and practicality (two very unsexy points of discussion, I know) always kept me from buying the risqué pieces. A corset and matching thong can run anywhere between $60 to $100 or more. And that's just for one look. It’s not like I can wear it to bed night after night. Obviously it would need to get washed, but it also gets old if you sport the same look all the time. So that means you can easily spend $400 on lingerie that only one person would see. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, but I’d much rather put that money toward clothes I can rock on multiple occasions in front of different people. Until men have to drop hundreds of dollars on clothes that are going to end up on the floor, I’m not giving in.

Related From Vivala: The Must Have Lingerie Items Every Woman Needs

In addition to my own laziness and desire to save money, while doing lingerie research I read a Reddit forum where guys shared their thoughts about lingerie, which only furthered my apathy toward the garments. I had an insanely uncomfortable reaction to each man sharing the attitude they think women should adopt when they wear the lingerie, because apparently the lingerie is not enough if the persona doesn’t match. One user wrote, “I love lingerie, but what a lot of women don't understand is that lingerie is a type of costume. You've got to actually work the lingerie, give it some personality. Just showing up in pretty underwear is nice, but bring the character with it. If it's naughty, be naughty, demure, be demure. If you're wearing leather boots and a corset, and aren't actually backing up that dominatrix look with a bit of an attitude, it's simply not going to work as well.”

WTF? There’s nothing I dislike more than men telling women how to be sexy. Look, I get that this is not the opinion of every man, and some are just appreciative that women are willing to rock the sexy garment for them. In fact, blogger The Lingerie Addict interviewed several men who had much more generous views on the matter. One man said, “As a regular guy, I can appreciate the idea of lingerie, and certainly appreciate the sentiment a woman feels when selecting such clothing “for” her man. The reality is, however, that any kind of clothing looks better in a little pile on the floor than coming between two partners. Lingerie is nice, but naked is better. Just one opinion from a regular guy.”

Related From Vivala: 18 Relationship Memes That Are Real and Funny

“Naked is better.” Yup, I’ve heard that before from my girlfriends who are as enthused about lingerie as I am. But maybe our ambivalence toward lingerie lies in the fact that the garments tend to be sold and discussed with the male gaze in mind. If lingerie was talked about in a manner that promoted freedom and empowerment, then maybe I’d find some spare funds to add them to my wardrobe. 

Designer Marie Yat also saw the void of sleek yet sensible undergarments leading her to create her own line. Her underwear provides the same comfort as most cotton male underpants with sensual elements. Now that’s the type of look I can get behind! As for other lingerie, who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find a cute little number on the clearance rack and decide to surprise my boyfriend, but I’ll do it because he and I know something very important — I don’t need a piece of lingerie to make me sexy.